In real life, persuasion is about creating a good connection with someone. A social engineer needs this skill to win trust and get others to open doors for them. Unlike simple manipulation, persuasion works when the other person likes you and feels good about helping you.

Important Principles to Take Note

• The Tribe Mentality – Fitting in with a group makes it easier to earn their trust. For example, if you’re in a business district but dressed for mountain climbing, people will notice you don’t belong, and they may doubt you even if your story sounds convincing.
• The Moral Molecule – This is about oxytocin, often called the “love hormone” because it helps people feel connected and cared for. When someone feels trusted, their brain releases oxytocin, which is the same chemical linked to love and bonding. High levels of this hormone can make a person more willing to go along with something, even if deep down they sense it might not be the right choice.

The 10 Principles of Building Rapport

1. Using Artificial Time Constraints – This answers the question when approaching a stranger “how long will this take?”. It must be realistic and conform to your pretext. For example, if you are pretending to be auditing the security configuration of an enterprise server, it will not be realistic to say “this will just take a second.” Artificial time constraint is not limited to the numerical equivalent of time, it can be:
   • How long will you and your target be able to talk in an elevator ride
   • The period between stops in a train ride
   • Engaging with a person in a fast food payment queue
2. Accommodating Nonverbals – Your body language should always match the story you are trying to tell. For example, if someone says they are loyal in a relationship but their actions, like staring at others in a suggestive way, show otherwise, the words and behavior don’t line up. This kind of mismatch usually means trouble is coming sooner or later.
3. Using a Slower Rate of Speech – If you talk too quickly, you might sound unsure of yourself, and if you talk too slowly, it can come across as if you don’t know much or are talking down to others. The right pace depends on your rhythm, speed, volume, and pitch. A good approach is to adjust your style to match the person you’re speaking with. And as always, it must match with your pretext.
4. Employing Sympathy or Assistance Themes – When a request for help is made in the right way, meaning the amount of help asked matches the level of trust built, the other person is more likely to feel connected and agree. For those interested in the science behind trust, Paul J. Zak explains it further in his book The Moral Molecule.
5. Suspending your Ego – And basically boosting the ego of the person you are targeting. People naturally like feeling right. In The 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene explains that showing yourself as “too perfect” can backfire, because it may make others feel insecure or dislike you. If you allow someone to correct you or teach you something, it boosts their confidence and makes them feel valued, which can make them more open to helping or doing a favor for you.
6. Validating Others – When you set aside your ego and show support for someone’s ideas or choices, it makes them feel valued and respected. But if your praise feels too much or doesn’t match the level of trust you’ve built with them, it can come across as fake.
7. Asking Open Ended Questions – How? Why? When? When you ask open-ended questions, the other person shares more about themselves, which keeps the conversation moving. In social engineering, this helps the target feel comfortable and understood. If they believe you are actively listening and interested, it becomes easier to build trust and connection.
8. Making Use of Quid Pro Quo – Make sure the person you’re talking to doesn’t feel tricked or regret opening up to you. Give the impression that they’re only returning the favor after you’ve shared something first. By offering a bit of information about yourself, whether real or made up, they won’t feel like they gave away details without getting anything back.
9. Employing Reciprocal Altruism – When you give someone a gift or show genuine kindness, people often feel the need to give something back. A social engineer takes advantage of this by letting the target decide what feels valuable to them. That’s why understanding the target beforehand is important, so the gesture matches what matters most to that person.
10. Managing Expectations – A social engineer should always be ready for things not to go as planned. Sometimes, no matter how convincing the story is, some people will simply not fall for it and that’s okay. It’s better to leave a person with a positive impression than to scare or upset them just to reach your goal. Patience is key; if one approach doesn’t work, step back, regroup, and try again another time.

How to Practice the 10 Principles

• Pick one principle and try it with people you know.
• Read more books about these principles.
• Analyze and learn from the instances where you failed.

Movie Time

In the movie Inception (2010), the characters don’t just try to steal information. They persuade their target in a very unconventional method by planting an idea in someone’s mind through dreams (which they call Inception). This idea will gradually grow inside the target’s subconscious which in return slowly influences the target’s live and business decisions. It shows how persuasion can be used to guide a person’s decisions without them noticing.

In American Hustle, the con artists survive and succeed by mastering persuasion—using charm, confidence, and personal connection to make others believe their lies. Their ability to build quick rapport becomes their strongest tool, both in pulling off scams and in helping the FBI trap corrupt officials.

In the movie The Founder (2016), Ray Kroc uses charm and persuasion to convince the McDonald brothers to expand their restaurant through franchising. Over time, he takes advantage of their trust and eventually gains control of the company for himself.